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Dreading President Trump? The best City venues to drown your sorrows
So the unthinkable has happened and President Donald Trump is now a thing. A stiff drink won't change the election result but it might provide some much-needed solace. Take yourself down to one of these City watering holes and order a large one...
Threadneedle Bar
Royal Exchange, EC3V 3LR
Due to the massively fluctuating global markets, you won't want to venture very far from the office over the next few days / months / four years. Decamp to the Threadneedle Bar in the Royal Exchange, safe in the knowledge that your desk is easily reachable the moment the klaxon sounds. And once the inevitable meltdown has happened, you won't have far to go to drink away the pain. royalexchange-grandcafe.co.uk
Revolution America Square
1 America Square, EC3N 2LS
This is a little unnerving. Come on, look at the name: turn that first noun into a verb and you've pretty much got the thoughts of the world right now. Factor in the Soviet-style interior decor (complete with posters of Lenin) and you wonder if you haven't stepped into a portal to the future – but at least it's one that serves vodka. Cheers, comrade! revolution-bars.co.uk
Worship Street Whistling Shop
63 Worship St, EC2A 2DU
A very cool speakeasy; harking back to the America of the 1920s that Trump invokes by appealing to collective nostalgia, and will probably recreate in terms of a massive recession. Frankly we wouldn't blame anyone worshiping to a higher power right now, but if you can't find spiritual comfort then alcoholic solutions and the Whistling Shop will have to do. whistlingshop.com
Grand Union Farringdon
55 Charterhouse Street, EC1M 6HA
America likes to think of itself as a 'Grand Union' of 50 states, but seeing as we now know this to be as untrue as the average Trump sentence, the Grand Union Farringdon may be a better bet. It's big, it's brash, its basement bar pulls everyone to the bottom; Donald would feel right at home. Go from Thursday onwards for the later nights. grandunionbars.com
OXO Tower Restaurant
OXO TOWER WHARF, BARGE HOUSE STREET, SE1 9PH
It mightn't be as tall as Trump Tower but it's far more elegant and the restaurant serves a damn good martini. And let's fact it, right now we all need a damn good martini. (And a vantage point from the apocalypse: it also ticks that box.) Oxo Tower Restaurant even brings around a martini trolley – don't drink the whole thing in one go. oxotower.co.uk
The Old Bank of England
194 Fleet St, London EC4A 2LT
Due to its Fleet Street location, you may find yourself jostling for space at the bar with a number of tearful journalists – none of us wanted him to win, either. Misery loves company, and beer, both of which you'll get in this cavernous pub. Find a table, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over. oldbankofengland.co.uk
The Jamaica Wine House
St Michael's Alley, EC3V 9DS
The Jamaica Wine House both references what many Americans will spend most of the next four years doing – "Where's that wall? He promised a wall!" – and the island the rest of them will emigrate to. Known by locals as 'The Jam Point', this historic site is as good a place as any to ponder a deeply uncertain future, while seeking solace in a sturdy red. amaicawinehouse.co.uk
Proud Cabaret
1 Mark Ln, EC3R 7AH
What better way to defy our new overlords than to visit an establishment that embodies the type of hedonistic, open-minded, empowering values the Republicans so overtly despise? Get ye to Proud Cabaret and dance away the night in a storm of feathers and glitter. It won't change the election result but at least you'll have a whole load of fun. Four years to go, people... proudcabaretcity.com
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