It is well understood and documented that professional women have stressful lives and are often balancing demanding careers with family commitments. What is less well-known is the rise of heavy drinking among women in order to cope with this stress.
Statistics show a growing number of successful, professional women, aged 40 plus, drinking to excess on a regular basis, mainly drinking wine and consuming, on average, a bottle every night, with some drinking 14 bottles a week.
So how do you know if you have a problem and when should you take action?
One of the challenges is how normalised it has become to consume large quantities of alcohol. When I started questioning my drinking after working in the city for ten years, what struck me was the growing availability of alcohol and the frequency with which I was offered it and expected to drink it. When someone struggles into work after a night out with a hangover, no-one bats an eyelid, indeed it is often seen as a badge of honour.
My former gym in Canary Wharf – which also has a bar – advertised a ‘Spin and Gin’ class; my current gym in Shoreditch (which is around 90 per cent female) has free white wine lined up by the glass on Fridays – just because it’s Friday. In addition, most work social events centre around alcohol, female birthday cards almost exclusively have a picture of something alcoholic on the front, cinemas are now licensed and ‘bottomless brunch’ targets women and glamorises excessive day drinking.
But something that seems on the surface as a harmless grown-up indulgence can very quickly take a hold, with devastating consequences.
As a control alcohol coach, I often get asked by other women how to determine if they have a problem and if they are ‘an alcoholic’. The truth is there are no specific guidelines from the medical profession as to what constitutes an alcoholic, and indeed the preference now is to use the term ‘alcohol use disorder’ to describe all problem drinking.
Something that seems on the surface as a harmless grown-up indulgence can very quickly take a hold, with devastating consequences
Because of the lack of information and the shame around heavy drinking, it can be confusing to determine if you have a problem. For example, many women believe that even if they drink a bottle of wine a night, it is not a problem because they have friends who seem to drink similar amounts, they don’t suffer hangovers, and they always perform well at work and so they believe alcohol does not adversely affect them and they have a high tolerance.
My guidance is simple. If you are regularly drinking more than you intend to and the thought of not drinking fills you with dread, then you are not in control and should take steps to take control back.
First, don’t beat yourself up for having a problem. Alcohol is highly addictive and as professional women, we have spent our adult lives being targeted by the alcohol industry, indeed, we are expected to drink by society. It is no surprise that more women are struggling. The good news is that it is possible to take back control without feeling miserable or deprived.
I recommend taking the following steps:
Firstly, do not blame yourself as this will only keep you stuck with low self-esteem, which makes it even harder to make a change.
Second, decide that you will take action and forgive yourself for where you are at right now. You are not flawed or weak, and there is nothing wrong with you.
Next, get clear on how much you are drinking. Monitor exactly how much you drink over a week. Do not try to tell yourself it was a bad week, or you drank more because of a special occasion. Just be honest with yourself, without judgement.
Then take a complete break for 30 days. Start a journal and note the emotions that come up when you are not drinking. This will help you understand what you are numbing out from and whether you need help.
If taking a break feels impossible, you need expert help. I recommend a solution that tackles the root cause, this way you will be able to not drink and not miss it. This is where the magic happens, as it allows you to enjoy your life more because you no longer need alcohol, allowing you to drink occasionally or not at all, with you in control.
And finally, remember you were not born craving alcohol, and it is absolutely possible to take control back. When I work with high-achieving individuals, I encourage them to make big audacious life goals – if this resonates, I encourage you to think of what you could achieve if you were operating at your full potential. Time to take action, and get excited.
London-based online coaching company, Just the Tonic helps high-achieving professional women - and men - in midlife to gain freedom from alcohol to live a healthier and more fulfilling existence. For more information, see justthetoniccoaching.com
