Being social is like a muscle – if you’re not using it, don’t expect it to be there when you really need it. Talk to people, asking them for directions, complimenting them on their dress sense, asking them for the time. Small, low investment interactions will build up your social state. And that means, when you see that woman you like, you will already have warmed up your social muscle.


If you’re struggling to find something to hook on, try saying: "I’m going to tell you three random things about me, and you tell me three random things about you." Then come up with three topics that will elicit conversation, for example, "I've never been to Paris…" The idea is to lead so she’s not going to turn around and say: "My favourite colour is blue, I like to go out with the girls and I live in SW3." If you lead, she knows where to project her three questions – meaning that you’ll have much more powerful conversational topics to go on.


Analyse your environments and be honest with yourself. Is the woman of your dreams going to frequent these places, or are you kidding yourself that maybe, one day, your perfect girl will walk in? Break it down – which bars you go to, where you spend your breaks, which gym you’re a member of. Think of it holistically rather than seeing dating as a Thursday night thing.

Johnny Cassel is a self-styled dating coach. See johnnycassell.com