Luxury living can be hard to locate – and sometimes you need a point in the right direction.
Now the game is raised with the best hotel suites in London – the finest luxury accommodation available in the capital.
Be warned: the best don't come cheap.
But you'll know where the money went...
The Sterling Suite – The Langham
An absolute monster at 4844sq ft, the Sterling Suite at the Langham can accommodate up to 12 guests within its six bedrooms. (Provided these guests are couples, or very open-minded.)
What does it offer? What doesn’t it offer? Tinkle the ivories of the drawing room’s piano; take in some TV – very wide TV – in the media lounge; or shoot downstairs to the Langham Club for complimentary breakfast and free-flowing champagne. This is the type of venue where your 24-hour butler comes with his own pantry.
You could quite genuinely get lost in the Sterling – arm yourself with a floor plan or, better yet, take a virtual tour online before you check-in. Price is available on request; rest assured that it will be a really, really big number, and probably worth every penny. Size really might matter after all.
The Royal Penthouse – Corinthia Hotel
A penthouse fit for a king, queen, or democratically elected President (depending on your view of the monarchy).
Its two floors are connected by an internal lift, although there is also a spiral staircase if you want to work off the lunch around the ten-seat ebony dining table.
The 4973sq ft interior is a lavish construction of mirror-panelled walls, leather-lined shelves and oak parquet floors – until you reach the bathrooms, which are naturally marble.
A roof terrace, walk-in wine cellar, and private spa suite all offer further confirmation that this may be the single best place to seek refuge come the inevitable apocalypse. Post the butler at the entrance hall to guard for zombies, and prey that you never get rescued.
The Royal Suite – The Lanesborough
So we’ve had a Royal Penthouse – now for a Royal Suite! (Unlike the penthouse, the suite won’t be on the highest floor, which may or may not be a good thing depending on your proclivity for heights and / or exercise.)
However by no means is this a step down in luxury – indeed it holds the crown of the most expensive hotel suite in the UK, with a single night setting you back a cool £26,000. Actually, make that a scalding hot £26,000. For one night.
The suite shares a furniture maker with 10 Downing Street, doesn’t believe a ceiling is complete without a chandelier, nor a panel without gold leaf, and every other painting has a TV behind it. But you don’t care about any of that – you’re already looking through the pictures.
Oh, if you book all seven bedrooms, The Lanesborough throws in its chauffeur-driven Rolls-Royce Phantom for free – at least for the duration of your stay.
Shangri La at The Shard
Open the door to the signature Shangri-La Suite and it’s hard not to gasp, swear, or even laugh out loud. The splendour and sheer ooze of unadulterated luxury is so pervasive that, the child in you is likely to find the whole thing really rather amusing; it’s sensory overload.
Designed by Francesca Muzio and Maria Silvia Orlandini, the open-plan dining and living space through to the bedroom and jacuzzi-adorned en-suite are an orgastic demonstration of frivolity.
Heaving with custom-made furniture, silk wallpaper, crystal glassware, marble and any other precious material that comes to mind, this is a candy shop among suites. Suitably, the pièce de résistance is the sultan-sized bed, complete with body-contouring technology and enough room to easily accommodate a harem.
Oh, and the views aren’t bad either – while away the hours playing spot the landmark from your 2,024sq ft vantage point halfway up London’s tallest skyscraper.
The Dorchester – Harlequin Penthouse
Elizabeth Taylor was more than a tad discerning in her taste, so you can assume any suite deemed suitable for the Queen of Hollywood will most likely be suitable for anyone.
The Harlequin Penthouse at the Dorchester promises “pure, bespoke luxury” and delivers in spades. Solid gold spades with diamonds on the handle.
Enjoy your welcome bottle of Krug Grande Cuvée NV champagne as you watch the sunset over Hyde Park, then retire to the private dining room (space for eight), or perhaps make a detour via the complimentary bar.
Need to freshen up? The pink marble bathroom was installed specifically for Taylor herself, and will provide the most glamorous wash you’ve ever experienced. Oh, and you have your own personal butler. Because of course you do.
Manor House Wing – Rosewood London
At this point you might presume to be fairly well-prepped on the subject of luxury hotel suites; there isn’t much that could surprise you.
The Manor House Wing has its own postcode.
As in, a separate postcode to the Rosewood London in which the Manor House Wing resides.
The Manor House Wing is the only hotel suite in the world to possess its own postcode. Not in Dubai, not in Las Vegas, not even in Benidorm exists another hotel suite which is legitimately its own separate area of city – and at 6,295 sq ft, not even a particularly small area.
There’s obviously a whole host of other stuff – notably a master suite, two Grand Premier Suites, two deluxe rooms, and a grand premier room – but frankly nothing comes close to the postcode fact. Winging it has never sounded so appealing.