I've just heard about The Bribery Act – anything I should worry about?
When I first heard rumours about the Bribery Act, I suspected my days as a broker were numbered. This pernicious bill seemed solely designed to screw up my entire, ahem, 'business model', which was admittedly a simple one: to get clients rat-arsed on champagne and, in doing so, secure their friendship/loyalty/commission.
At first glance, the bill was designed to prevent corporations or public officials engaging in bribery, but was there a hidden agenda to stamp out lavish City-based corporate hospitality? As my old boss used to say, 'just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're not out to get you.'
The act makes clear that "hospitality and promotional expenditure can be employed as bribes", and looking back at my debauched client trips to Vegas and £5k nights at Chinawhite, I have absolutely no doubt about that at all.
Having said that, I am yet to hear of a single Cityboy being nicked for overly extravagant client entertainment, although of course, this may have more to do with the post-2008 squeezing of expense accounts than this insidious bill.
A Cityboy's just asked me out – should I go for it or not?
The first (and last) time I gave relationship advice was when a mate split up with his girlfriend and asked me whether he'd made a smart move. Eventually I told him it was OK because she was 'neurotic and self-obsessed'. They got back together a week later, married four months after that, and now have three children (though for some reason I've never been invited to any of the christenings).
There are pros and cons related to any partner's career choice. For example, going out with an accountant may make your life unfeasibly tedious, but at least he can help you fill out your dreaded tax return.
When it comes to Cityboys the pros are clear – they have loads of dosh; they'll be able to get great tickets to the theatre, etc; and they'll be constantly buying you presents, although that may mainly be to apologise for cancelling dates owing to some last-minute no-hope corporate pitch.
However, they're also more than likely to have the emotional intelligence of a wombat, some reasonably serious ongoing alcohol issues, an inability to mentally leave the office until about 3.45pm on Sunday, and the ability to keep it in their pants similar to that of Bill Clinton. As they say in the US of A – you do the math…
I'm confused about how interest rates affect the economy and why? Any thoughts professor cityboy?
Einstein once said that 'if you can't explain it simply you don't understand it well enough', and I fear that I am about to illustrate his point all too well. So, here goes nothing…
If the Bank of England raises its 'bank rate' (for example, the rate of interest it pays on the reserve balances it holds for commercial banks) then lots of crazy things happen that have a negative impact on economic activity. The aim of this 'monetary tightening' is to reduce the money in circulation in order to keep the supply and demand of goods and services in balance, and so keep inflation at around 2%.
These crazy things include:
1) Banks raise interest rates on their loans which discourages borrowing
2) Mortgage rates go up, which reduces our disposable income
3) Saving is encouraged which in turn dampens consumption
4) House prices, bonds and shares can suffer making us (feel) less rich
5) Corporate borrowing/spending is reduced as money becomes 'more expensive'
6) Sterling appreciates in value (as its yield becomes higher compared to other currencies), therefore reducing the attractiveness of our exports.
Theoretically, the opposite is supposed to happen if the 'base rate' is reduced. God damn, that Wikipedia's good.
Do you have any questions for Professor Cityboy? Email them to letters@squaremile.com. Follow him on Twitter: @cityboylondon