Dreading President Trump? The best City venues to drown your sorrows

This is a little unnerving. Come on, look at the name: turn that first noun into a verb and you've pretty much got the thoughts of the world right now. Factor in the Soviet-style interior decor (complete with posters of Lenin) and you wonder if you haven't stepped into a portal to the future – but at least it's one that serves vodka. Cheers, comrade! revolution-bars.co.uk

A very cool speakeasy; harking back to the America of the 1920s that Trump invokes by appealing to collective nostalgia, and will probably recreate in terms of a massive recession. Frankly we wouldn't blame anyone worshiping to a higher power right now, but if you can't find spiritual comfort then alcoholic solutions and the Whistling Shop will have to do. whistlingshop.com

America likes to think of itself as a 'Grand Union' of 50 states, but seeing as we now know this to be as untrue as the average Trump sentence, the Grand Union Farringdon may be a better bet. It's big, it's brash, its basement bar pulls everyone to the bottom; Donald would feel right at home. Go from Thursday onwards for the later nights. grandunionbars.com 

It mightn't be as tall as Trump Tower but it's far more elegant and the restaurant serves a damn good martini. And let's fact it, right now we all need a damn good martini. (And a vantage point from the apocalypse: it also ticks that box.) Oxo Tower Restaurant even brings around a martini trolley – don't drink the whole thing in one go. oxotower.co.uk

Due to its Fleet Street location, you may find yourself jostling for space at the bar with a number of tearful journalists – none of us wanted him to win, either. Misery loves company, and beer, both of which you'll get in this cavernous pub. Find a table, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over. oldbankofengland.co.uk 

The Jamaica Wine House both references what many Americans will spend most of the next four years doing – "Where's that wall? He promised a wall!" – and the island the rest of them will emigrate to. Known by locals as 'The Jam Point', this historic site is as good a place as any to ponder a deeply uncertain future, while seeking solace in a sturdy red. amaicawinehouse.co.uk 

What better way to defy our new overlords than to visit an establishment that embodies the type of hedonistic, open-minded, empowering values the Republicans so overtly despise? Get ye to Proud Cabaret and dance away the night in a storm of feathers and glitter. It won't change the election result but at least you'll have a whole load of fun. Four years to go, people... proudcabaretcity.com